The essential role you play as a father 

As told by dad, Chris

When our daughter arrived at 30 weeks and six days, the room was packed with disbelief. Like many parents, we weren’t expecting to meet her quite just yet. In those first hours, I found myself split between two worlds… well, hospitals. My wife was recovering in one hospital, while our daughter was 20km away in another. Moving between the two became my focus, and it’s not a position I’d wish on anyone.

Two days later I fully understood how serious those first moments had been. A doctor pulled me aside and explained that actions I had taken on the night had played a big role in helping save both my wife’s and my daughter’s lives.

I share that because it reinforced something I’ve come to believe about the neonatal journey… fathers and partners have an essential role to play, even when it might not always feel like it. 

The people who cared for our family were extraordinary, skilled, compassionate and so patient. We were surrounded by people who cared so much. 

At the same time, I quickly realised that most of the support systems are naturally built around mum and baby. As they should be.

But for dads or partners, that can sometimes leave you wondering where you fit. There were moments when I felt like I was standing on the edge of important conversations, like a visitor rather than being part of them. Not because anyone intended it that way, but because everyone’s attention was rightly focused on the people receiving care.

What I learned is that you have to find your place. That place might look different from what you imagined parenthood would be. In those early days, I wasn’t cooking dinner or keeping the house running while we settled into life at home as a family. I was driving between hospitals, updating worried family members, sorting out leave from work and trying to keep life moving.

Sometimes being a dad meant advocating for my family. Sometimes it meant asking questions when we didn’t understand something. Sometimes it simply meant showing up, day after day, when the situation felt too much.

The small things mattered too. Learning how to prepare a feed. Sterilising bottles. Changing nappies. Taking part in cares. Holding our daughter whenever we could. Those moments may seem ordinary, but they helped me feel connected as a father at a time when so much felt out of my control.

If there’s one piece of advice I’d give to any dad or partner entering the neonatal world, it’s don’t stand on the sidelines. Be present, ask questions, join the conversation. Take every opportunity to be involved.

You don’t need to be an expert, but you are an important part of your baby’s team and essential support for your partner.

There may be times when you feel overlooked, in the way, or unsure of what your role is. I found that to be normal. But don’t mistake that feeling for a lack of importance.

Your partner needs you. Your baby needs you. And you deserve to be there too.

Today, the energetic, determined girl racing around our house is a reminder of how far she’s come. It’s also a reminder of the extraordinary people who helped get her there. 

If you’re currently in the thick of it, the days will feel long and uncertain, but progress often comes one small step at a time. And if I’m being honest, sometimes it’s one step back and then two forward. That’s normal. 

The neonatal journey was the hardest experience our family has faced, but it taught me an important lesson about being a father… show up, stay involved and keep moving forward. You’ve got this.